Life With My Sister Madonna by Christopher CicconeSimon & Schuster, £17.99

Source: The Guardian


The cover of Life with My Sister Madonna by Christopher Ciccone

I had hoped this book might go some way to answering that eternal question no one has ever asked, "What is it really like to be Madonna's brother?" But as I've got no sense of self and even less insight, that's totally beyond me. So I've settled for bitching about that mediocre diva whom I adore really.

The Lanesborough Hotel, 1993: The Girlie Show, for which I choreographed the Hokey Cokey, opens tonight and we need to meditate. We. The royal we. Madonna and me. She, the world's biggest superstar. And me, her much more talented brother. I wake her. "Flush the toilet for me," Madonna snaps as I spoon-feed her some macrobiotic seaweed. "Shall I lick it clean as well?" I ask, sensing her need and relishing my importance to her.

We leave for Wembley in two cars. Our egos can't fit into one. She takes a stretch limo, while I follow in a Reliant Robin. She comes off stage to the screams of 25 million adoring fans and I wring the sweat out of her thong. "Where would I be without you?" she yells, as she leaves by helicopter. "See you in Paris. Get yourself an off-peak Eurostar ticket."

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