Title : He sings because he is

Author : Joe 90

Genre : Short Story, Romance

Review By: Cordero

"He sings because he is

Some of the prose is beautiful and poetic. You have picked the most evocative of violin pieces to weave your story around. The Lark ascending ranks high in the top ten of my favourite works by Vaughn Williams. I have experienced mediocre renditions and a truly exquisite ones; the latter being like the one your protagonist obviously gives in the memorial concert. I liked the connection between Steven and the lark, both virtuosos in their own right. They lift us out of our mundane existence and into a realm of delicate beauty, and all within a limited span of years; one short because of nature's design, the other because of the cruel odds stacked against our frail mortality.
I also liked the impulsiveness of the encounter on the train. I found it believable because I have a friend that proposed to his wife in comparable circumstances, in fact he shares similar character traits to Steven. All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece, but there were a couple of things that I thought didn't come over as well as they could.
I found the clipped dialogue used on occasion spoilt the rhythm of the piece. I don't think you need to pad it out too much, just a few words. I also realise that they are thoughts and only the poignant ones need apply, nevertheless, I felt they jarred.

"Operating first thing…" "Will I be able to carry on playing?" - Separate into two lines and make the first a sentence.

"Difficult to say in this case, some damage is inevitable... may not be able to co-ordinate motor functions properly again." – Why not just make these sentences: "It's difficult to say. Some damage is inevitable and you may not be able to co-ordinate motor functions properly."

"You had better sit down Mr Little, I'm afraid it's not good news." – This seems out of context. You have already given me the bad news. There is nothing to indicate that the news has got worse.

"I just can't say…we won't know until after the operation." – Again, make this into a sentence. Then again I don't think this line is needed as there is enough above to give concern.

***That was ten years ago, during which I have never known a dull moment in her company or a truly fulfilled moment away from her. Touring with orchestras throughout Europe; places exotic, others drab. Packing our bags and moving on. Sometimes with money to burn, but mostly just scraping a living. Now when she's working I travel alone unless she can get time off. Music comes a poor second now.

If I'm in the south-west, she will arrange her shifts to be there if practicable. Recently, with the big paycheques from the recording contracts and performance royalties, the sort of money we used to dream of, our plans have revolved around "Little Littles***

I feel this is superfluous. The flashback of their meeting on the train works well but these two paragraphs add nothing to the story for me. You could slip in his status as a well paid musician somewhere without impairing the flow in any way; if you feel it's necessary.

And finally, I thought the last line a little weak. No suggestions I'm afraid, it's just how it came across. I was there with Steven; the emotion, the pain and the beauty. I flew with the lark and felt the wind brush my face. You conveyed these sensations with your writing, well done. The last line however didn't do the same for me. Still, it's only one line.

All my suggestions are merely that, suggestions; take them or leave them. I like the story, your writing and I'm glad I've had the chance to read this. I have marked it high.

All the very best and I wish you success with your work


Synopsis
Rewrite of "Soliloquy for Two" incorporating many of the helpful suggestions supplied by my critics.
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