Title : Feedback

Author : Richard Hurndall

Genre : Short Story, Comedy, Science Fiction

Review Extract from Review By: BMW1

"Feedback

Hi Richard. I really enjoyed ‘Feedback.’ It is funny and quirky and has enough of a ring of truth about it to make it sound authentic. It reminded me of my own Human Resources Dept and their Management Speak and Job Evaluations, only you have skilfully taken the craziness to the next level without overdoing it.

I love the giraffe in a fridge thread that you have woven through it and I particularly liked the extended discussion of it by Darwin and Descartes ...

My constructive criticism is similar to that I gave you on ‘Hypermarket’ and is mainly to do with where you put the actions in dialogue.

Put Voight’s actions before his speech not tacked on to your last piece of dialogue and vice versa.
Eg beginning of meeting with Voight:-
(Voight) “…….So you've applied every year for the past three years?”
“Yes.” *Move next bit*
*To here* He looked at a sheet of paper on the table. “So you got offered Emergency Medicine ……………..”

There are quite a lot of places where you do this and in some, if you move the action you could leave out the ‘I said/he said.

It is another glorious twist to have Voight as a robot and thinking back to a few Human Resource officers, perhaps I should have checked for wiring on them! ... So Richard, to sum up, a great short story. Well written and original ...

Synopsis
Apologies to anyone who has to read this! It's based on my own experience as a junior doctor; the application process at the moment is a disgrace. I'm not sure if this story communicates that frustration well enough yet.

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